somebody snuck up and got me drunk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
