if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i now understand why vodka
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
