Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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