this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We don't watch enough power rangers
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
