I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
