he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
