Don't you send me to vm
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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