My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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