I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
