SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My vagina is officially offended.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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