the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
