My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
