Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
