No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
