He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
