The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
