There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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