Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
