just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
