either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
