if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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