i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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