theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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