I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
