I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
