Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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