Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
