nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is my gift to your gina
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
