At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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