Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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