your parents love me but you hate me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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