is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
