Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
