Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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