I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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