I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
