Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
