Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
