All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
