im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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