stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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