Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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