They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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