i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
