do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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