So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
