Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
