I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
