i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
