Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
