I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
